Daddy's Girl

Another day another dollar.

That's what my dad used to say. I'm at work tonight.  I used to be productive at work and do yoga and work out, but lately I've just been a lazy piece a crap. It's a phase. I still might hang my yoga trapeze. (Its not a sex swing)

I've been getting accidental phone calls from my grandmother lately. It's nice. But also a bit alarming. See I haven't been back "home" in probably 13 years.  Jeeze has it been that long? I digress... I used to talk to my grandmother all the time. All the time. Really ever since my grandpa died, a piece of me died too, I miss him so so much, my grandparents meant the world to me, my grandma still does. See, my parents got divorced when I was 13, I was an only child and for a very long time the golden child. My family was really into me, because I was the baby. So my parents get divorced, my mom disappears and my dad is stuck with a teenager not knowing what the fuck. My grandparents were there for me. They were there for me before but this time, I felt the big love from my whole family. And my dad, yeah he was quite the bad ass for dealing with a teenager. But lately, as in the last several years, my dad kinda sucks. After I got the accidental phone calls number 1 from grandma I called dad to ask how grandma is doing, if he has spoken to her recently... long story short. 2 months. Two months since the last time he spoke with her. Wow. 

Well, I mean, the last time my dad actually called me? No idea. I get birthday text messages.  That's right a fucking text message.  What a guy. This year, probably be the same. A text message.  I've lived in Seattle since 2010. He has yet to come visit me. My dad. It really actually hurts my feelings.  He is really good at making up excuses too. You know, I wonder what's going to happen when I get married.  I don't have a date yet, but it will happen some day, I'm sure. I wonder if he will even come to my wedding.  Does he have to walk me down the isle to "give me away"? Because I think he gave me away years ago. 

I love my dad. I'm just disappointed. And sad. He and I were best buds. I went everywhere with him. The horse track, dog track, speedway, the farm, car auctions, golfing. We did yard work together,  did house projects. He taught me about turning wrench. Because of him, I'm not afraid to get dirty.  I'm not afraid to roll up my sleeves and get the job done. I was truly daddy's girl. I still want to be too. But where is he? When did he get too damn busy to check up on his daughter? To call and say he loves her. Or maybe to surprise her for a visit. I might be 35, but I still need you dad.

#family #dad #yoga #wedding